Real Talk with Jeffrey Wolfe

Welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays with Liza, where transformation begins as we
vote in race and evolve. Welcome to high technology.
Greetings greetings and welcome to Hill Talk Tuesdays. Actually today is a real
talk. In today’s today I have a guest. My guest is Jeffrey Wolf and allow me to
give you a small bio about Jeffrey.
Actually Jeffrey and I met over a year ago
through the Napoleon here thinking, “Grow rich,” we met at some events and
since then we have been in touch and yesterday I was thinking of putting this
event, this talk together and I called and I said, “Laughter message, Jeffrey,
would you be willing to be my guest?” And of course he said yes and thank you so
much. Jeffrey Wolf has worked with technologies as mature as a milling, raw
lumber to as advanced as virtual reality. He has incorporated new technologies
into companies with teams of 14 up to $65,000. Increasing profit while making
jobs safer and hopefully more enjoyable. With radical changes forced on
businesses by the great lockdown and now the explosion of the new AI that
is happening Jeffrey has been bringing entrepreneurs and best practices for
thriving with their competition stumbles. What I know of Jeffrey as background, his
credentials are industrial engineering, product development and his work on
Hughes company and you know what as a founder of Advanced C. Adventure CEO,
author of Perform or Parish and producer
of Wolf’s Watch Life’s Dream series and
broadcasting that you do welcome Jeffrey.
Thank you so much, Liza. It’s an honor to be
on your show. I really appreciate it. I appreciate the work that you do. You know
it’s always it’s always fascinating and in a true joy to talk with other
leaders who are affecting and enabling leaders to accelerate their journey and.
you’re doing a lot of great work with that. So I do appreciate the opportunity
to talk and especially to be on your show.
Thank you. Thank you. You know we met it was
over a year ago at Rami’s house and
we got to learn about a leadership and
actually even Rami’s story of his
downfalls and being in the street and now
coming back and actually he’s done this twice. I mean going down becoming
more less living in the streets and coming back to hit a billion of dollars and
overcoming so many obstacles and challenges.
So as a leader, what does it take for
someone to go all the way down and then up? In my work we call it mindset reset
from the core. Let’s talk about that. I love that mindset reset from the core
because that touches on one of the huge issues with leadership. What’s in our core?
Because that will affect our ability to lead. Nothing’s ever perfect. The
military says every plan fails at the first point of contact with the enemy.
What you put a plan in motion, you have to start to adapt because reality says
we’re not exactly going to let things work that way. And the mindset, you know, am
I adaptable. What’s my perception of myself deep inside the things that I
only tell myself when I’m looking in the mirror, when I’m shaving, you know,
that’s why I don’t shave. I don’t have to look myself in the mirror.
You know, I call my hair, right? So I was
doing a training for a group and we were
doing an exercise. It was really kind of just a deep dive of reflection. And I asked
him, I said, you know, what is it that you tell, tell yourself when you’re looking
at yourself in the mirror in the morning as you prepare for your day? Go even
deeper. Do you even look yourself in the eye when you’re preparing in the
morning? And the room is just like, you know, you just see it with the
participants. And while they were, you know, they’re doing an exercise,
broke out in small groups and doing exercise
around that. And I sat down in the front. I’m like,
oh, so I get my notebook that I take with me to, you know, to make notes about
the events so they can make better each time, pull it out and you know, okay,
after, you know, my part of my after action is going to be, I need to start
working on that because I’m throwing that question out to them. I’m going,
how am I doing on that? Didn’t like the answer. So guess what, back to.
back to doing some more deep dive work on self, which is Paramount as leaders. And
I’ve heard some, some people that are in leadership programs or, you know,
business folks, professionals are going, why do we have to talk about this stuff?
You know, this deep dive in the emotion stuff and it’s like, how free do you
want to be and how good of a leader do you want to be? Because that’s the core
of an under leadership. If people aren’t doing the kind of work that, you know,
that you take people through the, you take your, your, your clients through groups
when you’re doing group training through. If they’re, if we’re not doing that
kind of work as leaders, we are going to be at best less effective at worst
really causing some damage. Because now I’m spreading mayhem as opposed to mastery.
Interesting. You know, one of the things that it’s happening around the world,
there is so much stress. I mean, we’ve got stress globally. What’s happening,
at least in Armenia, we’ve got stress
hometown. We’ve got mass shooting every
single day, even, you know, the world nowadays, everybody’s talking about Matthew
Perry. And we’re talking about, how is it possible? How sad is that? And.
Today, what I wanted to talk about is actually I even put it in my newsletter is
how the masks we wear. So many masks we
wear and come Halloween, we dress up what we
want to and pretend this is one day we give ourselves permission to be whatever
we want. And the other days, we constantly have to put masks on in order for us
to fit in to look good. I mean, Matthew Perry and so many, I mean, we were talking
about Robin Williams, depression, comedy. And he masked everything for years
with comedy, tweeze a company. What was his name? The gentleman, John
Ritter, John Ritter. And after he died, they said, well, he’s been suffering with
depression and loneliness. So I it’s how do
we stuff? And it doesn’t matter if we are
leaders or non leaders, home, working at
home or just an employee doesn’t have to be a
celebrity. Well, and I think, you know,
these these major tragedies that we see, you
know, people that are that are loved globally
because of the entertainment that they’ve
brought us, those moments of relief that they’ve
brought us to find out that you know what
they were doing that in some of the darkest moments of their personal lives. And to see
that writ large is a great reminder that you know
what? Who in our family is in that situation?
Who on my street, when I walk out and look up
and down the street, who on my street is in
that situation where and they’re not talking
about it. Like, oh, how are you doing? I find
how you do it fine. Okay, great. Let’s move
on. It’s like, but if we go ahead. It’s
shame. You don’t talk about it. You don’t share. Right. I mean, there was a point in
my life where it was like, I’m not going to tell you about my stuff that’s bugging me.
I’m not going to tell you about the horrible
conversation I have myself with myself
2 A.M. Because you know what, if I can’t handle
my stuff, you certainly can’t. And I’m not
about to risk you doing something with it.
You’re just going to use it to get one over
on me anyway. So I’m going to carry this. And
it keeps getting bigger. We carry it and it gets
bigger and bigger and bigger. And I mean, geez,
you can see it from a satellite without a camera
in orbit for some folks. They’re carrying such a, you know, a big train of garbage is
built up and I certainly did. And it’s it’s
scary. It’s hard, you know, it’s emotionally
scary to address that. It’s a lot easier to go. And that’s fine. I’m just going to set
that over there. And you know, I come back to
it sometime. But I’m going to focus on this
over. Oh, new shiny object. Actually, now
that you brought it up, let’s be frank, this
is real talk with Liza. You have suffered
through some addictions of yourself on your, of
your own. And now you have been just over for
quite a long time. But no, who me? No, no,
man, it’s been fine. I’m fine. I’m good. Let’s move on.
No, jokes aside, you are not. I just have some
fun with you because, you know, and I have
been, I’ve been doing a lot of work for a long time and continue to, you know, strive
to be a little bit better each day as a person.
So that I can have, so that I can be more
helpful to others. So let’s go back. I point
in your life. Did you come to admit? Yeah, I
do have an issue. When I met someone, Medigal,
or I met my current, you know, I’ve been married
for a long time as I was way before my wife and I met, I met a gal and was one of those
moments where I was like, oh my gosh, I thought
this just happened in the movies. You know,
we talked for a couple hours. We met at a party. We talked for a couple hours. And.
It was just like we had known each other forever.
And I had, and I was going home. I had to go to work in a room in the morning to do
some stuff on work on the weekend. And I was
leaving and it just like, wow, this, this
is amazing. And my drinking and other things
that I did got in the way of being able to follow up on the dinner
that she agreed to have with me because I was
like, one of those things is going, there’s no way
this woman will ever have something
to do with a guy like me. And she’s like, yeah, I love to go for.
dinner. I’m like, okay, now what? And it was
one, it was, that was one of, it’s one of
the only, but that was a critical moment
where looking at going, I can never have that
in my life because I’ve got this other problem
that I’m refusing to deal with and to own.
And it is a prison that I built for myself
that was just misery. You know, I was trapped
inside of my own misery with no, with no
way out and no hope and totally alone in the
universe with it. And seeing the look in her
eye go from, go from yes to, you know, she
liked me. We were going to go to dinner and I
watched that in the course of the evening at
the party that we were at turn into disappointment
to, oh, hell no, I don’t want anything to do with you. And it was like, okay.
So, you in this situation, I mean, how many
years, what are we talking about after college,
what started actually share with us. I’m also
curious, you know, I work with a lot of clients
through hypnosis changing the mindset reset
from the core, which is truly the pattern. Where
does the line get drawn? I have my own
theory from social drinking or doing drugs or
whatever to becoming addicted that aspect of
it and how long did it go until you said no.
I mean, for me, there was never a line. It was
from the get go. I remember the first drink
that ever had because it was just I was an
overweight bookworm, Sci-Fi, fan, kid that didn’t
have a lot of social skills. It gets to be called a nerd today.
And my wife asked me, because why are you always in the middle of
stuff? Why do you look to do a lot of public
speaking? She’s like, what do you do that?
Because I’m painfully shy and people scare me.
So I’m going to stay in the middle of
everything. If I don’t, I regress to be in a wall
flower and edge and towards the exit. Even
today, I’ll catch myself going, you know, stop
standing off the side, stick at your hand,
go over and say hi, start talking. You know,
it’s like, he’s, how do I start a conversation?
It’s like smile, go, hi, how you doing?
My name is, so I stand here one, you know, and
sometimes it’s just some of the lamest introductions
that I’ve done have led to some incredible
conversations. But as, you know, as a kid, I was
very young. I remember the first drink that I had that had that effect that I loved.
And it was like every cell on my body said, oh, oh, yeah, we have come home. And I just
was not, I felt comfortable. I wasn’t worried
about what everybody else was thinking. And
I was like, go on, okay, this is, this is,
this is good. And I wanted more of that. And
it was just from that point forward, you know,
overdoing it constantly. The line I did experience
was after college when I had moved cross
country was in, you know, in a reasonably high
powered management position at the time. I was one
of four managers that ran $140 million production
program. And that I got to a point that I
couldn’t get through, I couldn’t get past lunch
without having a drink. And I hated it. And
I hated myself for it. And it’s just like,
I could see where it was going and it’s like,
you know, there’s just no hope. And again, along it’s that state of no hope totally
alone in the universe and having such a deep
self-loathing that it’s
truly incomprehensible.
When, you know,
it’s a, it’s what we see
what we hear, what we learn. There was a study
of, a twin that there was a study of many
twins. And this one twin, the study was
following them for over 15 years to boys. And
this is a case study. It’s reality. It’s one
of the things that I talk to with my clients
that as they were following them for years
and years, every year they would go and find
them, talk to them. They knew where they were.
So right after high school, one twin, the this guy dropped out of high school and
started drinking and doing drugs and chose one
way of living. And the other one chose success
and came to become one of the leading bankers
and everything. And when they did the study
after 15 years, when they went to do the last
interview, one of the reporters just out of
curiosity was new and turned around and said,
so why is it that you, you did this with your
life and you talked to your brother. He says,
I have nothing to do with my brother even though we are twins because of my parents,
my father was an alcoholic. And because of
what I saw in our house, I decided never, ever
will I have a life like that. That’s why I
chose the higher one and I’ve stayed clean. I am
married three children and this is my success.
So when they interviewed the other brother
and he said, well, would a parent and a father, an alcoholic, would you expect?
So is our choices because of what we see what
we hear as a child, is that becomes our pattern?
Was that your pattern for you to decide or was it only yours?
I was only mine and I say that from the
perspective that I have today and here’s why.
Great family. I grew up in a great family. I am so grateful for the family that I grew
up in. My parents were encouraging. They
taught me skills, habits, perspectives, values.
You know, worked through instill a value system.
That serves me well today. They were children
of the great depression. So they knew, first it’s
the great, two decades, right? Great depression,
then World War II. So great. They went through a lot. So they understood struggle,
but they also understood enjoy the journey. They
had that example. And alcohol was part of it,
but it, I didn’t see a lot of the things that
people that I’ve talked to and worked with that
have, you know, grew up in really just unthinkable
family conditions because of drugs and alcohol.
And, you know, in my teens, I started getting the
wrong messages from what other adults were saying.
And what necessarily the meaning, like one of the
things that always stuck with me as a 14 year old was.
enjoy it. These are the best years of your life.
And I’m like, I’m 14. I’m in school, which I hate.
I have absolutely no control over my life. I’m
going through puberty. So I’m just completely
whacked physiologically. It was growing fast.
So it was like my body hurt. I’m just going,
it’s all downhill from this. What exactly is the point?
Now, as an adult, I look back on that and go, you know,
had I asked clarifying question or two on what
they meant by that? It could have been, look,
the whole thing in life is whatever you’re at
today, you just, you get to decide whether this is the best day
of your life or whether it’s going to be a miserable experience.
At the time, that wasn’t the message that I took
away from. So I started to compound those types of.
decisions to say, I’m going to take the negative
out of what this person’s telling me and hold on to
that real heart and stack it up with the other
negative that I’ve taken from what other people have
said. You know, I didn’t apply myself real hard
in high school. Well, not hard. I wouldn’t say
that not consistently. You could tell what classes I had for lunch by my grades.
The school didn’t particularly care for that
behavior. And, you know, they were pretty clear.
It’s like, you’re not, you’re never going to go
anywhere. You’re going to have limited options.
when you get out of school. And I used that as a bonfire to create some options.
as I get out of school. But it was still, you
know, I looked at and go, okay, so then that’s,
you know, I took a message away from that,
which was not you. You know, it’s like all these
opportunities are out here. It’s great. That’s
wonderful. I can help other people, but it’s never going to be for me. Okay.
Those types of things. So that that compounded and,
and, and helped me, you know, that was part of my,
my journey farther and farther off through north, if you will.
Until I really took ownership of that and go, well,
it’s up to me to, you know, is this what I want?
If not, guess what? I can start making different choices.
I can start accepting and rejecting different messages.
because I missed that for a couple of decades,
even though I had the, you know, good examples
around me at all times to reinforce the exact opposite.
Now, some most seek help find ways. There is the
north star, which is a date or something, something,
you know, in my field, we say, change happens
when the pain is so excruciating and hard.
that we no longer want to feel this pain. This
is it. I’m down. I’m at the bottom. I no longer
want to feel this or the reward or like yours
going on that date or having that relationship,
wanting that life is so powerful that it surpasses
everything else. And we turn around and say,
okay, I’m done. I’m changing my life starting
today. And I know just like in domestic
violence, domestic abuse and every all kinds of
challenges in life, there’s relapses and coming back.
And yet the shining start of what we want
is far greater than the pain we are in. And
you have been mentoring through 12 step,
correct? Yes. Okay. And I’ve seen, I know you’ve
seen all gamuts from relapses to success stories.
Someone wrote something on my Facebook that
a lot of people think that just because they are
now sober, it does not mean that they are recovered.
Or if they have recovered, they’re not fully sober.
And that’s one of the issues that I talked to
about 12 step that when they get together, they
say, I am, hello, my name is and I am an addict.
Instead of saying, here, this is who I am, I am now sober, celebrating the good.
And you know, I was reading on 12 step. There’s a
lot of talk about the higher power, believing in
the higher power and all that. So would you share
a little bit about what the program is and what are
what are all other helps for our viewers
and anyone else that may either being,
they’re suffering it right now or they have
someone they know who is going through this.
Yeah, and it’s, let me back up a step. Yeah.
The two years before I started taking action on getting my life back in order,
I was increasingly aware of people around me
who had already done that and were living.
happy, you know, looking at going, that looks
like, you know, I want some of that to get a happy
joy, so free lifestyle as it’s called right
there. They’re having fun. They’re enjoying life.
They’re not, you know, stealing from somebody
to get money to go buy something because they
need some kind of alcohol or some other type
of fix. They’re not doing a lot of the negative
behavior that goes along with being, especially
in late stage additions. And I watched that
and going, huh, you know, so it started to plant
at seed to go, well, if they can, maybe I could,
you know, maybe there really is an option for
me that could work because I was very clearly
headed to either, you know, either being
institutionalized somehow or living on a skid row. Neither
were looked really on that, particularly, um,
just, it was like going, well, you know, that
kind of accepted this is where it’s going to end
up, except that, you know, this is, or death,
I’m going, I’ll take that. Now, I was so
unhappy that I preferred dying to living to, to
continue to live the way that I felt. Wow. And
accepted that as going, this is, I’ve got these three
options, be institutionalized live on skid row for
the however much longer I survived, which could
be 20, 30, 40 years. That really scared me as I
go. And I’m going to be dead in the year or two,
who cares? And it started done on me going, you
know, if I pick the death option, it may not play out
the way that I think it would. And it’s certainly
not going to be some cool, you know, some cool
movie ending to my life. And those, those people,
their examples caught my attention. And it finally
got to point it going, you know, maybe it’s worth
taking a small action, which I did, you know, I just,
I just went and sat with a group of people that
were on that path at the invitation of someone
that I knew and respected. It’s all I had to
do. Just go, just go sit, see what it’s about?
Is that gone? This isn’t what I expected. So I went
back again, you know, went and sat with another
group the next day. So a small action is going,
huh, walked into the dorm. People smiled and said,
hi, how you doing? It’s like out there hands
told me their name. I went across into Donut,
kind of like that. No, it’s in my 20s. So it’s
like, yeah, Donut sounds good. And at that time,
people weren’t reading me when I went and places,
you know, they were like, yeah, what do you want?
Or we told you, you’re not welcome here
anymore. Or my family’s not returning my phone.
You know, so this is isolation that goes along
with it. Jeffrey did a lot of what are their
family members that this you or did not want
you in their gatherings or something like that?
In the extent of going, look, it’s always with
love. You’re always welcome here. Doors always
open. We’re willing to have you around not if you’re going to show up like that.
All right. I, I.
So let’s talk. You want the real stuff? It’s
like, I showed up at my mother’s funeral late.
loaded, running on my motorcycle long hair at David Lee Roth hair in those days.
Like the singer for Van Halen from the 1980s and,
and started a fist bite with somebody at my mother’s
funeral. That was me. Because what, you know,
the guy deserved it. I was mad because two of
my friends tackled me and held me to the ground
while someone else drug him out and drug the
other guy on through him out in the front door or
hustling. I didn’t really throw him. But you know,
escorted him out to front door. And I was upset
because I felt that the gentleman had earned more,
more of a response from me. And I didn’t get to
deliver it. Because he had, because he was so
out of line. I mean, he showed up at my mother’s
funeral and it didn’t really think he belonged there.
And then he had the, then he had the audacity to
reach to, to make a negative comment about my hair.
and reach out and grab my hair. And it’s like, you don’t do that.
You know, just, he dis-right. So this is an
ironic moment. Such a lack of self-awareness.
He disrespected me. So I started, well, you know,
I started throwing fists at him at my mother’s
funeral because he’s showing disrespect. Because, you
know, of course, it was all about me at that time.
And that was the kind of behavior that I engaged
in. But put a suit on, you know, put a nice suit
on, go to a corporate event, sit in the boardroom, could do that too.
Get out in the parking lot, pull the bottle out
of the car, start drinking. And if you come out
in the parking lot from the boardroom and say
something to me, I just might smack you with a bottle.
It’s a little unpredictable in my behavior. And,
you know, some of my, one of my excuses was, look,
some of my friends were really brawlers. They loved
the fight. And some of them weren’t, you know,
they weren’t alcoholics or they just loved the
fight. And they grew up in an environment where.
they was okay. And, you know, they’d get in a fight.
And sometimes, never talked to each other again,
you know, or sometimes they’d get in a fight and slap each other on the back and
Hey, I’ll buy a beer kind of a thing. And I never got that.
You know, I was somewhat like, look, I’m not like that.
You know, I only do what’s appropriate and necessary
in the moment. So it’s just a, you know, I had
justification for all of that. And it’s like, it’s
just unbelievable. The lengths that we can go to as
human beings to justify things that are truly unjustifiable.
Which is recognizing that there is an issue
that we need help is the first step towards.
that change. Because what I know is dependency
is deeply connected with the subconscious cause
and motivation. And it could be shyness. It could
be masking self awareness, self consciousness.
It’s, it can be just gamut of everything and
what feels good at the moment when you said it.
So how do we go in helping understand
now that we understand it, it can come from
anything from Robin Williams taking comedy from
it. It doesn’t matter. If it is a drug addiction,
alcohol addiction, gambling addiction, overeating,
it’s in feeding, especially most of those
are oral. And I say, express it versus suppress. So
it’s all suppressing so much until we get to a point
that it’s overwhelming. It has to come out and it
comes out as you said, either in a fistfight or
anger or retaliation or something like that. Or
fold it up in the corner, weep and wet on myself.
I never knew where my evening was going to end. And
when I was a teenager or even younger than that,
but you know, at that age is like, oh, that’s kind
of interesting. That’s fun. Right? I got no control
over my life. So let’s just let the dogs out see
where it goes. And if it’s somewhere embarrassing,
it’s like, whoops, you know, but then when I’m
25, not so much, not so much. And it really is
in working and helping people that are in that
state, they’re sick. Right? And there’s different,
there’s a lot, there’s just fake day alphabet and
there’s something for every letter and probably
go back through it again, where somebody has it
has some type of some form of illness. It’s like
to treat them as sick, you know, have that kind
of empathy for them yet maintain boundaries.
Like, you know, like, fortunately, my family did
for me, they never, they never broke the connection
that we had, but they’re like, oh, no, not if
you can’t show up coherent, then please just stay
wherever you’re at kind of a thing. So there’s boundaries on that.
That’s not enabling the person or giving the money into a guy.
Yeah.
The exam and there’s so many different ways
to enable, you know, from the, from the being,
feeling their feelings with them and getting
into the emotion of it with them and it’s like,
that doesn’t, it doesn’t help. You know, until
I got to a point that I was desperate enough
to take accountability for myself, for my life, nobody could help me.
So that was about boundaries. That was about, hey,
you know, it’s cool over there on that side of
the room. Nice to see you. You know, if you want
to be over here, sitting with us, we’re laughing,
having a good time. Here’s what you need to do.
You know, if you’re not doing that, that’s okay.
You know, we’ll see it. We’ll say hi, but
we’ll ask you to stay on that side of the room.
But isn’t that creating more isolation? It’s like,
okay, apparently, you know, I’m not good enough
for you. So let me go and drink myself because I’m more miserable now.
Yes, some will do that. Some will go, well, well,
I need to do to sit over there and say, well,
if you come over and sit and just, just sit, don’t
say anything. You know, hang out. We love having
you around. We’re having a conversation. You’re
welcome. And there’s a lot of power in that.
There’s a lot of, I remember someone who’s known for a long
time now, one of the first conversations I had with him,
we’re probably the first conversation I ever had
with him. I remember at a potluck at his house in
the summertime and they still do it for decades
now they’ve been doing this. And I had a plate full, I had a plate full of food.
I’m standing with my back towards the wall in the yard. Got an eye on my motorcycle.
Can see everybody in. I’m like, you know, backing
up a little bit further, making sure I got the
right angle to view. And I’m looking around and
I’m shoveling food in my mouth as fast as I can.
I’m just so uncomfortable because I didn’t know
anybody in a new, somebody was just going to,
you know, was going to say something to me.
And he walked over and just looked at me and
smiled and said, Hey, just want to let you
know you’re welcome here. You want to relax,
stay as long as you want. It’s fine. You know, if
you want to hurry up and finish eating and then
go ahead and go ahead and go get that’s fine too. But
because it’s my house. So if anybody says anything
to you, come see me. You know, or tell them to
come see me because for his own concern, you’re
always welcome here. Just want to let you know
and he walked away and I’m going to stand in
earth with my mouth hanging open and I’m like, how
did he know? Well, we can, if we’re really present
and paying attention to the people around us, we can tell who’s struggling.
Where who’s got something, you know, where you watch the body language, you can tell,
imagine with your clients, you can tell when you
know, they’re like, Oh, no, everything. And it’s like,
no, we need to talk about that a little bit more.
There’s something, you know, something’s bubble in.
there. And he did that and he, you know, he moved
on and I kind of took a breath and I was like,
Oh, okay. And I was there for several hours.
That’s the only thing I remember about being there
that day was that he made it clear that you know
what, you can just hang out and that’s fine.
And I’ve talked to anybody years later, I heard a friend of mine say, you know what,
she was going through a rough time, you know,
we divorced and some other stuff, you know,
just things that happen in life. And she said, you
know what, I really appreciate because a group of
us that got together to hang out for a potluck
once a week. And she was sitting there and she just
said, I just want to tell you all, thank you.
Because you let me come here and just sit and you
don’t ask questions, you don’t offer advice, you
let me just come here and sit. And that allows me to
heal from the inside out and everybody was
practically weeping at that, you know, and we’re just
like going, yeah, because we we’d had to all
expect, so one of those things just going, like,
yeah, I get it. I get okay. Cool. And then we let
it be. She said that and she just kind of gave us a
look or like, you know, we’re all, hey, you know,
glad you’re here. You know, can we get you a.
some drink or you know, you’re just like, no, okay. And
as she, you know, and she did work that she needed to
get through which was going through and she came
back to being more talkative and you watch, watch the
lights come back on again, right? You know, there’s
so many things. We focus a lot on the route on
some of the obvious, you know, the drug and alcohol
addiction, severe mental illness, those types
of things, but there’s so much more that’s way way
before we get to that point, like you’re asking,
you know, where do we start? Where does this stuff
start? Where we cross those lines? We’re going,
you know, if we hadn’t taken that step, then I
had a million of them. I never all small steps.
And the cool thing is I can always take a different
step and change that path, that direction.
But being able to watch people around us and truly
be present so that we can ask a well-placed question,
give them a little tough love back and that doesn’t
mean being mean or sarcastic. I love sarcasm and
dry wit, but it would does mean saying, you know
what, it seems like there’s a little bit more there.
So I’m not totally buying what you’re telling
me, but okay, I just want you to know, I see and I’m willing to sit and listen.
You know, like that guy did with me while I’m
shoveling food and my, in my mouth and his,
I’d moved out to his front yard because I wanted
to get closer to some place I could get out of
there after I got some food. And, you know,
and saw what was going on and you said, hey,
you’re welcome to stay if you want.
You know what, school, if you do, school, just
hang out or that gal who had done phenomenal
work and the woman that she had become and then hit a rough patch in life because
things were, you know, life implodes every once
in a while. This is part of, you know, business
as fail, marriage is fail, children die, illness is
happen, cancer, other things happen. And it’s like,
how do people walk through that and how can we be there to help them on that journey?
Which is why I appreciate what you do because
you’re a major force in, in spreading that, hey, spreading that positive impact.
I have a friend of mine who got addicted to painkillers.
And to him, it was the biggest surprise because
he started drinking, but he never got addicted to
the alcohol. And he drank only to numb the pain while he was popping the pills.
And this is at a very young age because he
got, he was in a auto accident. I think he was.
19 years old or something like that. And I remember through college and everything,
he struggled. He was constantly struggled. You
know, I have to say he’s one of the most successful
people I know, only his own company and everything
today. Great family. But, you know, when we
were talking about the old days, you and I are
almost in the same age we’re talking about,
the hippie times, I usually say there was a lot
of drugs. There was a lot of alcohol. There was a
lot of everything, the hardcore music. But
everything was about peace and love and flowers and
making love. Nowadays, it’s the music is there.
It’s hardcore. The rap, the verbiage and everything,
even the stress on traffic and media, every
breaking news is nothing about murder and mayhem.
So we are surrounded with such darkness.
It’s no longer flowers. It’s not about peace.
Even though there was so much destruction in the
country and outside, but the people were about
peace and love and everything. I mean, we talk
about Woodstock and everybody talks about Woodstock
remembers music and yes, making love and drugs. But
nowadays, it’s the teenagers that are dying because
of this suppressive and drugs and lacing it
with such potent medicine that our children are
nourishing and how can we notice signs to help them?
Well, I think the music that we listen to is a big
indicator for one thing, what media are we watching, what messages are we getting,
what conversations are we having with the younger
adults with youth? Yes. Or not having because.
it, you know, I have become much more aware of the
songs that I listen to. There’s a couple songs and
I couldn’t give you an example. One of them has a
line and a song, I’m a loser. I love the song because
of the sound of it. And I really sat and
listened to the lyrics one day and I was going,
I don’t want to put that in my head, right? Because
that’s that’s feeding the neck, that’s feeding
the negative conversation that I’m going to have
with myself at 3 A.M. that I don’t want. I go,
why would I listen to that and I paid more and more
attention to songs? It’s one of the reasons I’ve
never liked gangster rap because I listen to the
lyrics and I’m going, look, if all of our kids are
growing up listening to, listening to lyrics in
songs, idolizing artists that create songs that have
lyrics about, about running crime gangs in the
street and all the behavior that goes on around that,
how are we making sure that doesn’t run off
the rails for them? And I’m not, I’m not, now,
who I mean, the full disclosure, I’m not
saying rap music is killing our country and our
children. I’m not saying that. And that’s what I’m
saying is listen to the, what’s the counterbalance?
What gives it context? To make sure they’re going,
yeah, you know what? This is, this is music,
this is fantasy. I see, you know, I see kids from upper middle-class neighborhoods.
paying hundreds of dollars to get ripped jeans
that don’t fit right. So they hang low around
their waist so they can look like they’re, you know,
look like they’ve got street cred and I’m like,
hey, you wouldn’t last five minutes with
people that actually have street charade. B,
is that really what you want to emulate? Is that
where you, you know, is that what you want life and,
you know, violent life in the street? That a lot
of, you know, some of the people that have violent
life in the street don’t want that. But it’s back
to do, we, and I’m not saying that the clothing is
going to lead there. I think it affects, we don’t,
when we lose the thread on where does this come from?
Then a friend of mine that had, has turned his life
around phenomenally. He did a fair amount of time
in the prison system in California when he was
younger and he said, you know where that comes,
a set that we’re watching. I forget what it was,
I made a comment about, you know, a couple of
young adults that looked like their pants
were going to fall off in any second in, in a,
cracked a joke about it. And he goes, you know where that comes from? And I go, no,
because that comes from the California prison
system. They were really, he goes, yeah,
there’s the way the prisons, you know, the, the,
the different gangs that run the prison system
inside, use one, does the laundry. And they’re
at odds with this other gang. So what they would
always do is when they returned the laundry to the
other gang, they would always make it two, you know,
many sizes too big. So it always drooped around
the waist. Wow. So they flip the script on that and
turned that into a badge of honor to show when
you’re out walking into street, when you’re
past droop like that, that’s a badge of honor
showing you’ve done hard time in the state prison
system in your, it’s rude gangster. So beware. Wow.
Now it’s a cultural icon with our kids. I’m going,
is that really the direction we want to go with it? And it’s like, okay, you know,
we’re going to wear your pants that way.
That’s fine. Then by the me, but do you really,
you know, are you really thinking about what
you’re doing? And what does that mean to you?
So it’s like I could go on with that. So it
just didn’t. So in my personal life, and this is
coaching that I’ve gotten from, you know, business
and in personal development advisors that I’ve had
coaches, and they’re going, what, and it’s something
from Napoleon Hill, you know, what do you focus on.
from thinking to grow rich mindset? Where do
you focus? The point hills work was based on
on the most successful businessmen of his time.
In the common thread was what’s their mindset?
You know, the common, the common thread industry
gang is the mindset. The common thread in a,
you know, motorcycle club is the mindset. The
common thread in a high performing business
organization is the mindset, the, the common
thread in the team that’s going to win the
Super Bowl, whoever they found, who it be, but in
2024, there’s going to be an NFL Super Bowl game.
And the winner, the winning team will be the one
that has the strongest mindset because they are
competing. Those two teams are performing at such a
high level. The only difference is what’s going on
between their ears. Everything else is pretty much
the same, right? There’s no better players in the
world than the ones that are there to compete against
each other. So it’s all going to come down the
mindset. And what conversations going on between
their ears? When they went. So where do, you know,
where do you want to be? If you want to be in the
street, understand what that’s about and get the
mindset? Don’t play at it. Don’t be a poser. Go
do it. I got a bit of problem with posers. And
so if you’re going to go do that, fine, go do it.
Don’t have half. Excuse me, I got to be careful. So I
don’t say something. I don’t use a word that wouldn’t
be appropriate for a PG audience. But, you know,
don’t have to do it. Go, good luck. You know,
their life expect to seize about two and a half,
three years, you know, most of them don’t live past,
past 17 or so. If you want to, if you want to be
an NFL, look at that mindset. I had a chance to
get to know Bo Easton who became one of the top
safeties in the NFL. He started practicing
every day at 5 AM when he was nine years old.
I’m listening to this guy and I’m looking at him
going, I’m so embarrassed. I didn’t do anything.
since I consistently since I was nine years old,
except maybe run bad, you know, bad self talk.
You know, okay, but that was what that was why he
became an NFL player. And he was a very unlikely
candidate for being a top competitor in the NFL
because he’s not, doesn’t have that massive build
like the NFL players do. So he found he’s going,
okay, here’s what I’m going to have to do.
if I want to get into the NFL. And he did it.
But imagine imagine having one of your kids get up at 5 AM to practice guitar,
to study math, to study a language, to, to, you know, hone, hone some type of a skill.
Exactly.
Because the, the ones that are, you know, something about the, the.
outlaw culture in, in the US, they’re getting up
at 5 AM or practicing what they do every day too.
And the ones that live for any length of time,
they’re smart too. And we, we often underestimate
them. So to watch some people that come from that
environment, you know, coming back to what we were
talking about earlier, that for whatever reason
they got to that point in their life where that
switched tripped. And like, going, I’m done with
this. And then to see what they, the, the people,
the men and women that they become. And the things
that they achieve with their lives, some of them
great public things, some of them, A list entertainers
that we, that we know today that had horrible.
backgrounds before they, before they did what they did.
And the reason that they were successful is they got,
they got, what was going on in here straightened out.
And the reward was far greater of what they wanted. The same thing goes with,
Wayne Dyer, how he stopped drugs and alcohol and
his anger and everything. And he became one of
the biggest like mentors and speakers. And he
always said, I’ve had so many failures in my life,
three wives and so many children. But, and I
stopped drinking his anger for his father was so
much that when he went to the grave, all he could
do is weep and say, all these years of my anger
instead of making peace with him. And at that
moment, I had to let it go when I let go of my anger
and resentment is the day that I stopped drinking
and suppressing. So, you know, today, as you
brought up in Napoleon Hill and his principles,
which is desire and faith and the auto suggestion
that we give ourselves in our mind, imagination,
organization, persistence, decision and mastering
our mind, and specializing in something. But the one
that, because of the work that I do, the subconscious
mind, which is the power, the brain and our
intuition comes to play in everything from richness
to being a better human being. That’s all. That’s
what I tell my clients, just become better. It
does not have to be perfect because there is no
perfect. Actually, you know, there’s a saying that we
are perfect with our imperfections and to accept
every single person. I used to be in Toastmasters.
I’ll share this with you and we’re coming to
an hour already. This has been amazing, Jeff.
Thank you so much. When I was in Toastmasters, I
wanted so bad to speak properly and deliver everything
so good to win the competition of the week or
the day and everything. And one of the ladies,
she was probably about 30 years, 40 years older.
She came and sat down next to me and said,
“Liza, you have a great vocabulary for words and
every week you challenge yourself and you look
to be the best evaluator.” May I suggest
something and I said, “Of course,” and she said,
“Stop policing.” That means everybody can find fault and everybody makes mistakes.
You don’t have to be the police and that stuck
with me to become more compassionate and become
kinder and accepting people for who they are because I know I have my own faults.
Yeah, I do too. It’s what we do with them.
How do we become in spite of our faults and shortcomings?
And then over time, those tend to improve or go away.
You know, something my dad told me that literally saved my life when I was older.
He was like, “You’re always in the middle.” No
matter what, he goes, “Pick anything you want to
focus on.” Whether it’s money, he goes, “If you want to talk about money, he goes, “Oh,
wait, no matter how much money you have, there’s
always going to be someone that’s got more,
there’s always going to be someone that’s
got less.” So it’s going to be someone that’s
getting promoted more than you are. There’s
always going to be someone that’s not getting.
the promotions that work. So there’s going to be
someone smarter, someone not as smart. He goes,
“You’re always in the middle, no matter what.” He goes, “Never forget that.”.
And there’s a lot of power in that. It’s one
of the reasons that I like to be in the middle.
It’s the good place to be because that means I can
reach a hand across to my colleagues, my peers.
They get to have the opportunity to call incredible people like yourself, friend,
all right, can reach out and across. I can reach down for lack of a better word.
You know, I can reach a hand out to somebody
that’s struggling more and say, “Hey, here,
you know, no matter what’s going on in my day, I
can always reach a hand out to somebody else who’s
having a worst day and go, “Hey, I see you. Here,
grab my hand.” And I can always reach a hand out to
the person that’s in front of me and doing better
and going, “Hey, help me get where you’re at.”.
Exactly. And people would, most, not all, some,
you know, and I’ve been one of those people that’s going to smack the hand away. But
most of the time, people will take the hand.
You know, most of the time, people will go, “Yeah.”
And all that’s fine at the time, we can sit down
happy to share what I’ve learned on my journey.
Well, on the journey of becoming better, healthier, happier, and joyful,
I want to say thank you for being part of the Real Talk Tuesday today. And if
this has been interesting for you by all
means, I hope you reach out either to Jeffrey,
who can help you mentor you. And you can always
reach out to me by all means. I welcome thoughts,
ideas. And again, thank you so much for being
here, Jeffrey, and shedding a light on not only
your past, but how we can reach out across from both
sides and say, “I need help or how can I help you?”
And with that, I bid you all goodbye, and I’ll
see you soon. Hugs to you, Jeffrey, across this
platform until we see each other again. I will
come down and meet you and your lovely wife that I
have made that promise, if not at another
mastermind sooner than that. And until next week,
God bless you all and made a universal light surrounding always. Bye-bye.
Thank you for being here. If you want to check
out some of the testimonials that I’ve got,
click right here. If you want to go back and
watch other videos from maybe go two weeks ago,
give it a cure, come sleep right here. See you next time.

Embracing Change, Embracing Change, Embracing Change